"I am so proud of you", the Ira way

Ira celebrated Christmas at school today and it marked the beginning of her holidays.  Ira's vocabulary seems to have exponentially increased in the last few weeks and so her capacity to express herself very articulately. She wants to wear her own shoes,  carry her own bag, eat by herself, make up her own Rhymes and tell stories her way. She says she didn't realise that she was wearing her shoes ulta and that she recognises the alphabet on the book. Realise,  recognise and because are hands down her favourite current words.
As the year closes, it feels overwhelming to see how much she has grown and humbling to realise how much we have as parents learnt. So,  I guess it is fitting that one of my December blogs share all that Prashant and I have learnt so far in this parenting journey. A journey that has just been awesome... and tiring, fabulous and apprehension filled,  full of gawky moments and some perfect strokes.

"I am so proud of you"- a line that Ira tells Prashant and me out of the blue these days,  followed or preceded by, "I love you". This I guess is what is music to the ears,  for Mamma and Papa for sure.

Parenting is a hard task,  nail-biting,  tear my hair moments happen to all of us.  Do not go by the happy pictures and posts that we parents blog and brag about.  Of course,  there are those gem of moments.  But to get there, is a long tedious,  tear filled,  mental screeches filled journey,  multiple camera shots journey.  No complaints whatsoever.  What am trying to say is, like everything in life,  we have to work hard to make parenting work. We have to learn to let go,  we have to learn to let a toddler have their way,  we have to learn that a glass of spilt milk,  a tornado driven toys all over living room is a part of the deal. We have to listen to every little thing they say the way we would listen to another adult,  we have to patiently answer their same question a zillion times because that is what little inquisitive minds do.  There are times when you both are filled with pride that 'we created this'  and there are also times when you think,  'did we really create this!'.

Some things that Prashant and I learnt that has made parenting an even more kickass  a journey for us.
1. Being clingy is their birthright and it can happen anytime anywhere.
2. They are the most well behaved in the most unexpected circumstances.
3. They are riotous in the calmest of situations.
4. Some days their favourite food is all you need to make them happy.  For Ira,  this could be dates,  papaya or chicken leg :)
5. Some days you just have no clue what will work. And trust us,  it is fine.
6. They can read their favourite story book over and over again.  Mind you,  your intonations have to still be animated at the 20th reading in a single day and you dare not skip that para. Her current absolute favourite is,  "Are you my mother?" by P. D. Eastman.
7. They may want to drink milk with spoon,  eat idli with fork,  n pasta with hand.  Let them experience food the way they want to.
8. Mess is good.  Don't be paranoid (note to self). Playing with stick and stones,  throwing mud and cleaning the park is a good thing.
9. Falls,  hurts,  bruises are good and essential for growth.  And of course,  boroline is Ira's best friend,  along with the adage,  'no big deal'.
10. Teach them to love and appreciate people but there will be moments when your most huggy child will not want to hug the visiting friend.  Let them be.  Personal space is an early learning and an essential one at that.
11. You have to feed Bonny,  Leo,  Sophie, Panda and Snowy and shower them too with goodnight kisses,  when your little one takes them to bed with her.
12. Listen careful to their imaginative stories,  play with them,  drink that make believe buttermilk and eat that carrot sabji.  Enjoy that conversation when she asks Bonny to sit with legs crossed and use the activity mat to play.
13. They will be as brave,  as happy,  as adventurous,  as loving as we are.  They reflect what they see. They are our best mirror images.
14. Positive affirmations work wonders.  They need to believe they are smart,  strong,  brave,  loving.  They need to hear it from us.  Be strict,  be stern when needed but those little hands need that comforting hold.  They need to know we are proud of them for what they are.  And this pride is not just quantifiable through achievements or milestones,  this pride is that parental emotion that is ours to know,  experience and express.
15. Discover the child in you through your little one. Preserve that smile,  that memory. These will all be stories to be told and retold.

If you have actually read this long piece,  know for sure that,  "I am so proud of you", the Ira way.

#Iraisms #Ira #Positiveaffirmations #Proudofyou #parenting #learning

Happy tummy, happy us

I love cooking.
Sometimes I can be a super enthu cook and sometimes, plain lazy.
One of the first things I learnt to make was omelette like ma and chicken curry like baba. I would add cheese,  tomatoes and anything that caught my fancy to the omelette. Most of the cooking I did at my parents was restricted to noodles,  pasta and some non veg starters.  Being married to a go foodie and a fabulous cook has only made cooking a more intriguing experience. It fascinates me to see Prashant read multiple recipes,  make complex masalas and then cook with the same enthu. Cooking for me is also destressing.
And I feel it is a skill that everyone must acquire. For days when you want comforting food, nothing works better than hot rice,  alu bhaate (bong mashed potato with mustard oil,  salt and green chilli) and moosur dal.
Since Ira has joined school,  there has been the effort to learn some new things and try variety of tiffin friendly recipes. The tiffin journey has now begun in true sense and have renewed respects for all parents who pack a wholesome homely lunch everyday.
Thursday morning enthusiasm saw palak parathas and alu bhaji being made. Happy tummy,  happy us.

For all of you

For all of you nursing a broken heart.
For all of you in pain, in a daze.
For all of you who are lost,  confused,  bitter.
For all of you suffering in health,
Physical or mental.
For all of you trying to break away from the shackles,
For all of you mourning the loss of someone close,
For all of you anticipating the worst.
Hang in there.
Time will hopefully heal.
Scars will remain. Memories will stay.
You will grow but stronger.
You will come out more resilient.
Embrace this moment, embrace the power within.
Life will go on.

#talkaboutwhatisbotheringyou #findthestrength #forallofyou

#microblogging 

I am no doll

Dear little girls,
I apologise on behalf of everyone who has ever called you a doll. Ofcourse it is said as a compliment and they mean well. Because,  "awwww... She is such a doll" is meant as a positive affirmation. It refers to being cute,  sweet and lot of other such descriptions accorded to little girls. But I am very conscious not to refer to a little girl as a doll because she is a living breathing person and I somehow find the compliment annoying. I may belong to a very small tribe who feels this. Because I feel positive body image is an essential part of a healthy growth and being a doll cannot really be an aspiration.
So,  this poem is for you all.
Love,
M

I am no doll
Am not porcelain made
Nor rubber or wooly stuffed one
Not hard wooden or silicone ware

I am no doll
Am real and here
Have thoughts and feelings
Likes and dislikes
Smiles and tears

I am no doll
Am no toy to play with
Am no puppet to discard
Am no whim and fancy playmate

I am no doll
I have questions
And curiosities
I have dreams
And aspirations

I am no doll
Stacked on a shelf
Lifeless and show
For people to buy and go

I am no doll
I ask, I want
I need,  I strive
I am here flesh and blood

I am no doll
I am no doll

#Ira #Iraisms #poems #iamnodoll #girlsaregirls #genderdescriptions #notacompliment

The 'First School' for your child - 10 Mantras to help you choose

December is here and with that parenting groups,  mommies groups and school groups are loaded with questions on playschool,  pre-schools, nursery, alternate schools,  montessori method and all discussions pertaining to schooling and school admissions.  It is in some sense a big deal because we need to start the hunt early and if we are choosy,  it makes the hunt even more tedious. While embarking on this search last year, I posted my query on Fb and got some very practical suggestions on how to choose the school. Thank you to everyone who wrote on this thread a year back.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153215440895796&id=675550795

Prashant left the initial groundwork to me. So, I started the way I know best. Made an excel sheet with details about the schools that is easily available and then another set of details got over the phone. Post that we took appointments and went and met the school authorities and saw the premises.

So,  here are the 10 mantras to help you choose a school.

1. The Methodology Followed
Today there are many options. The traditional playschool/nursery method, the montessori method, the Waldorf method, the Steiner method. Read up,  do your groundwork and decide which method will work for your child and you. Parents today have to complement the teaching technique at school with how they also imbibe those learnings at home.
We visited the IMTC website (http://www.indianmontessoricentre.org/schools-recognized-indian-montessori-centre),  did our research and felt that we would like the montessori method. A lot of schools and famous chains claim to use these methodologies but a shocker was that most of their teachers are not even trained or certified.  A very famous chain of schools we visited, the centre head told us we teach multiple intelligence to the children and follow multiple methodologies. So, when I asked her what she meant, she said, you know we use play technique, stories... You wouldn't understand. Yes,  we were actually told that. I was also aghast to see that the pamphlet said they teach kids existential intelligence, whereby teach them about life and death. When asked,  they said we teach them through play. Seriously, teach a two year old. The chain was off our list immediately. Often they rattle off terminologies and jargon,  and underestimate the preparation a parent may have made. I wish they were a tad bit more sensitive to this aspect.

2. Distance between Home and School
These days our toddlers begin schooling very early.  It helps if the travel involved is not much. For them, it is a whole new routine.  Waking up earlier than usual. Getting ready to go to a new environment and meet new people there. Less distance to travel is one less strain avoided. For some parents,  the deciding component would be the distance from their work place to school,  depending upon their arrangement to drop and pick up their baby. See what works best for you. Look at options both near home and work.

3. The Physical Space
The school should have a natural play space. Good ventilation is also essential. Added benefit if they have a ground or garden, have sand-pits and trees. Lot of schools have artificial play spaces, no trees and boast of indoor gyms. We were finicky about this aspect and many schools were struck off the list on this criteria. A word of caution would be that do not go by their photo gallery on their website  or Facebook. Very deceptive to say the least. Some of them looked like they had long corridors and huge halls but later you realise they are small spaces shot smartly and distance between gate and building is few steps. Lack of ventilation is also a concern in many of these playschools. With almost 20 children crammed in a small space, it seemed nightmarish. The school doesn't have to be fancy, it has to be utility friendly for children. One important point is that they must have children friendly toilets with small pots and low level handwash basins. It is a safety requisite. Some schools also had an overboard of cartoons all over. At one place Ira went to the wall and rattled off names of some of the things she recognised- lion, apple, monkey, tree.  While the parent in you feels triumphant,  it is essential to understand if the sensorial element is too much, seems forced. Some plain walls would be good,  you know. Let the children imagine what can cover those walls.

4. The Teaching and Support staff
As parents, we are fiercely protective when we are sending out our children into this big world. One of the ways to maintain sanity is to talk to teachers and also the support staff and see how comfortable you are. While teachers can have qualifications to show, it is essential that they come across as gentle and disciplined and open to understanding that each child is different. The support staff help the children with their toilet time and snack time and helps to talk to them too.

5. Teacher Student Ratio
This honestly is a luxury. Ideally, 10-12 kids per teacher maximum. But this we will know more by observing the space than by asking, because everyone claims to have a very beneficial ratio. One of the big schools kept telling us every class has a teacher and  a help. On close observation, realised that each class has 35-40 kids.  It was a big premises and close to 120 kids at any point of time with just 4-5 help and about 7-8 teachers.

6. Day care
Some of us may be also looking at the Day care option. In such a case, hygiene of the place, the support staff post the school hours and the timings is an important criteria. We were also open to the idea of day care in some time and so kept this in mind.

7. Audio visual component
Why is audio visual component a point here,  you ask? Well,  most of the schools had TV which they claimed they used for edu-infotainment sessions. This meant they showed things that were educational,  informational and entertaining. Honestly,  we didn't see why a school needs that.  We are outliers in the fact that we don't have a TV at home for years and Ira has only recently been introduced to the concept of YouTube and Rhymes or stories online. Unfortunately, two of the places we visited had chota bheem and some other cartoon running loudly and kids sitting very close to the TV. On probing a bit,  a help told us that they put TV during day care time. Exposure to electronic gadgets and TV is a personal choice that parents make and this while was a criteria for us,  may not be a big deal for many.

8. Food /Snack provisions
Some highend playschool provide a curated meal to the children.  While doing your search,  also see if this is a criteria for you.  We were not particular about this facility. But what we were on the lookout was what type of food or snacks is allowed by the school.  Most schools these days do not allow junk of any kind and prefer home cooked meals. This is surely a good thing we see.

9. How they see your Child?
This while an important criteria,  may be difficult to gauge in a single visit. It is interesting to see that behavior ranges from over friendliness to hard selling. Some places make the effort to let the child be, while guiding them to the play area or an interaction space during the first meet. Also,  some schools make us fill a basic form while others ask a lot of questions about the child,  their preferences,  social interactions etc. While a detailed form may seem a tedious thing to fill,  I surely appreciate the effort taken by the school.

10. Let your Child decide
This is the trickiest point in my opinion. How do we know? What could appeal to a toddler?  You will be surprised at how your child reacts to the environment. You will be taken aback at the first things they go and touch at the school -  could be a pebble in the garden,  a colour set or some wooden blocks. Look for their comfort level, how they are able to move around in that space and how they fit in. How they interact with the adults and the other children. A bit of this is what you see,  and a bit would be your intuition about the place. So,  take a step back with your check list,  your excel sheet with highlighted boxes (yes,  I did that too) and just observe.

**Fees is an important criteria but I am keeping it outside this list. Today,  schools depending on the facilities they provide charge fees that does seem exorbitant. So,  the thing to do is while we are deciding on the school,  also see if we can afford the fees and are comfortable with it. Have clarity on what you are paying and what are your expectations from the school.  Understand why schools with special methodologies or alternate schools charge higher than traditional schools. Do your homework so that you feel that you are getting the value for the money you are spending.

Goodluck to all parents and the little adults who are about to make an entry into a whole new world.